untitled oct. 6th 09

As I grew up with so much anger they always told me to OPEN my eyes to the brighter side. "Ppl want to be nice to you Kree" (yeah right) assuming the worst at all times. Telling me Im causing my own SELF DESTRUCTION. Key word. Self.

But Eff U! Shit if only u knew. Fuck the ones who I gave my heart to. Regret? Neva. But go backwards? Neva. "If I could take it all back I neva would. Had u not of brought me to this heartache I might not have learned." Cuz what I did to them came back around and that shit hurt.

I was dealt my cards that were full of Jokers, Jacks and Queens. My hand wasnt dealt with Kings. So I guess the Jokers are where most of u fit in and also the part of my life that covers my pain and frm the Jacks I let into my life who came and left after they yelled out my name when it felt good and when they needed Kree to help keep them sane. N when u foe's smiled in my face but only came around cuz my struggles made ur's seem easier. I found a card in the deck was a 3 of hearts for each love I experienced with Him, Her and my now Queen.

I know if we learn to open our minds so will our hearts at the point where anyone is someone we can learn from. So far Im learning to take responsibility for my failures instead of pointing the finger. I sang songs in my head dreaming of a love to come 2 me and neva let go.

I listened to ppl try to "kreeate" lyrics to a soundtrack of my life as if I dnt fuck know. I wore my heart on my sleeve and I opened my heart to past loves like and open book, exposing what I thought they'd take into consideration for the walls that have over the years formed around my heart. (i started wearing long sleeves)

I fell and I got back up faster than u thought cuz I'd be damned if I let u kick me while I was down. I painted a mask on my face in different shades and became a chameleon. Blending in with whatever crowd I was placed in cuz I was scared to stand out avoiding attention. Wore sun glasses to avoid eye contact.

Was handed a camera to snap shots of picture perfect families into my memory 2 understand for my unborn child what a family was supposed to be. But that shit made me angery. Thats when I said fuck it! Ill just learn to better my poetry and hope that I'll have something to go back and read as I work on me!